© 2005
Dale H. West. All rights reserved.
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Bruised
I look down at them and count as I touch each one.
"One." So perfect and round.
"Two." Just exactly like the first.
"Three." A mark. A path. A reward.
"Four." Again. Please. Again.
My finger slaloms their course from one
end to the other and back. I press down and the pain, the pain
and arousal returns
as I recall, as vividly as the moment they arrived, her hand
gripping my thigh... so tight... so intense... making four very
neat, little,
round bruises. I count them again and trace their path.
Purple and black. A redness surrounds them, a redness which will
fade before their impressions in my memory.
I had thought her nails might puncture my
skin and cause me to bleed. I didn't watch her do it but
my mind's eye was watching. As I worked the digits on my right
hand into her, she held on to
my leg. It was something I wanted; feel the pain while gripped
tight to gauge my ministrations on her body. As the resistance
to my hand increased so her fingers tightened into my flesh. It
was not possible for her to exceed my tolerance for pain. There
could have been a point where I might hurt her but I didn't know
where it was and I counted on her grip to tell me. Had she let
go, I knew I would have had to stop. But as long as she held
on...
I had known she would leave a mark. The
concept thrilled me. After she was gone, my flesh would bear
a memory long after the heat
- but not the passion - had died away.
"I'm sorry," she says as I reveal her
evening's handiwork in the weak light of dawning day.
"Don't be sorry, love," I consol then
watch my own hand run its course through the pattern again and
again.
My eyes avert her pouting
lips, lips saddened by false perception.
"I didn't mean to bruise you like that."
"I know." I pause to adjust my gaze
directly into her steel eyes. "But I knew you would..."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
I sigh and let the moment rest before countering,
"Had it occurred to you I wanted you to bruise me?"
I watch the concept wash over her face with
knowing but do not wait for her to respond. "That I enjoyed it
immensely and maybe,
just maybe, I loved the pain?"
Behind me he repositions himself and spoons into my back. His
knees bend into the backs of my knees. His arm drapes over my waist.
His hand rests with his thumb on my left breast.
She just watches as we gaze at each other knowing.
What we know I'm not quite sure. But we
share something.
We know about the alcohol, the social lubricant
of pain and pleasure and a thousand mistakes. It is making all
our heads remember this
morning — making us remember the toll it exacts on our bodies.
Our bodies are no longer the youthful sponges they once were; they
more readily reflect the abuses we self-inflict.
We know the night before was no mistake. There was no mistake
in the insane passion that leaves the mind wondering which hand
belongs to which lover then instantly not caring. No mistake in
the lights glaring into eyes pressed backward and down under the
weight of bodies. No mistake in the furniture rearranged. No mistake
in the expanses of stained wood and steel, glass and tile, and
carpet never before touched by naked flesh.
Answers, but so many more questions.
He was there too. He was there through it all; he who I need
to support me through my desires and explorations. He had held
her, kissed her, stroked her hair. He shared with her his skills
which, before last night, he had only ever shared with me.
I could not get enough of watching them.
I wasn't removed from it, not even when
I was not touching either. My spirit soared and mingled with the
power
that comes from two
who have never known each other, finding and exploring for the
first time. Her gaze moves from my eyes to where his hand rests on my breast.
"Do you think he's awake?"
I look down to his hand then back to her.
Our relationship in this manner so new, my self-confidence lacking,
instinctively I question her motives. "Why
do you ask?"
For a moment she seems as though she might
crawl back inside some invisible shell she keeps around herself.
My words cause her recoil
and I nearly retract then before she recovers and whispers back,
"I was just wondering because..."
She didn't need to finish her words.
I reach and move the hair from her face and our lips meet.
© 2005
Dale H. West. All rights reserved. |